"For the rest of my life I'll be with you. I'll stay by your side honest and true, 'til the end of my time I'll be loving you loving you"- Maher Zain

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“T.O.L.E.R.A.N.S.I”

It reads “tolerance” in English.
What makes a relationship last? In my opinion being tolerant towards each other’s flaws is what holds a relationship together.

I once read;

“To be in a relationship is not to find a right partner, but to be one”.

Well said indeed. We can’t expect a person to be perfect while we just hang around here-full of faults. That’s pretty much unfair; don’t you think?

Every time I speak about relationships, I bet many ; especially readers of my age group would think about the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. But I’m actually emphasizing more on marriage.

I know, who am I, right? To actually talk about relationships? I’m not yet married nor do I have boyfriends to compare my experiences with. But from what I’ve been observing, that’s one of the key points to a successful relationship.

Marriage is not a one day occasion. Its not like a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship where it’s sweet and fun all the time or where you can break up 100x and get together again the next day and pretend as if nothing happened.

It’s easy to be in a bf-gf relationship because you do not OWN each other. You don’t have responsibilities upon each other. Your family is not of your partner’s concern. You still have full independence on yourself and you are not tied up.

Marriage on the other hand is something different. It’s very sacred. It’s a life-time commitment. Especially for girls; your life now, is a life TO your husband. Your father gave you away for another man to take care of you. Therefore, your duty is now to obey and let your new man lead you. You are no longer under your father’s responsibility. You are now building your own empire with your husband. You become a team with him– where you and your husband actually DEPEND on each other for support. You should hold on to each other’s back; good times and hard times.

Therefore, the need to learn on how to understand and compensate with our partner is very important. "Marriage life can be very difficult", I’ve been told many times. But it doesn’t mean that we should give up that easily when we encountered with a misunderstanding. Work things out to make things better. If you simply give up, to me, it’s like you’re stopping the love to grow between you. And you might not even experience the best of him/her.

However, the word toleration should not be misunderstood by misusing it, or taking it for granted.

Misused toleration in my own words means tolerance with less practicality and more towards sympathy.

Case study example: You bear with your relationship although you are aware that your partner is a woman beater, abuser and a liar.
Reason you stay put: "Sabar separuh iman(Patience is apart of Iman)" or "True Love"
Result from the misusage: You get hurt a lot of times
Rational thing to do (according to me): Get out of the marriage before he kills you… seriously… he’s not worth your bruises and you’re not worth his lies.

Taking things for granted on the other hand is like this :

Example: You’re a wife and your hubby doesn’t like you hanging out with your friends when he’s back from work.
Story line: You got away with it all the time coz he’s not the type to quarrel over small matters. Probable outcome: If this happened too frequently, he might get fed up with everything and leave you.
Solution: Just be obedient, he just came back from work and all he wants is to spend his time at home with you; to tell about his stories and problems or just to have someone to comfort him. Go spend time with your friends when he’s away at work. Moron! Lool..jk..!! I swear.. :D

Marriage is always a win-win situation. We ladies need somebody responsible to hold on to and to look after us while those gentlemen need someone he loves to prepare good food for him, takes care of his clothes and give him well mannered offspring(read: children).

No one I know would want a non-lasting marriage. When you marry someone, I bet all you dream of are the good things in life. To have an everlasting years of happiness together and to die in each other’s arms. That’s not impossible. Not impracticable at all. But like any other things, we have to work for it. Life is hard and so is love. But history proved that some had them easy. And that’s what made life wonderful. When we strive for something we really love.

Although sometimes, I do have to agree, that in some situations, being apart (splitting) would be the best solution for everyone(involved). Well, that’s a different story. To me, as long as you’ve tried your best to make the relationship last, its good enough. If it doesn’t work out, then it just not meant to be. But at least you've tried hard enough, right?

So as a conclusion you must have these values for a lasting relationship:
ADEQUATE TOLERANCE, UNDERSTANDING AND FORGIVENESS.

Footnote:
Life isn’t as easy as theory. I might be wrong. This is just from my point of view. :)

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